I compiled this list based on things I have actually heard, listed here in order of frequency. Usually I just smile and say okay or thank you, but here are the responses I wish I could give. Alas, non-writers don’t get us writers on a good day, so these would be completely misunderstood.
You should write my life story.
First of all, I’m not a biographer. Second, your life isn’t as interesting to others as it is to you. No, it isn’t.
I was going to write a book once.
When I was six I wanted to be a trapeze artist. But I didn’t need to be a trapeze artist. See what I’m sayin’ know what I mean?
I have a great idea for a book. This is most usually followed by You write it, and we’ll split the money.
Yes!! I’ve been looking for someone to tell me what to write, and to take half my income. I’m certain your idea is better than anything I could come up with.
[Genre fiction] is for idiots. I only read [true literature.]
You could substitute almost anything here, and it would still be just as rude. I get it, some people need to put others down to feel better about themselves. But honestly, insulting another person’s profession only makes you sound like a pretentious jerk.
A lady once told me she didn’t read romance because it was all “silly, formulaic tripe.” When I asked her for the title of the book that had made her feel that way, her response was “Oh I’ve never read one.”
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